Quantum physics and computing explained simply:

I started a book today that takes place in the early 1700’s and it describes a game changing event that occurred in science that changed the way people experienced the world. In 1655 the first clock was invented and for the first time, time and distance could be measured. This changed everything. Science evolved at that moment from alchemy (theoretical that looked like magic) to empirical based on observation and measurement.

We are again at this junction as we have discovered another property of nature that looks on the surface like magic but we are learning how to manipulate, measure, and observe it.

The example I use to visualize it is think of a forest made up of threes. Above ground a tree either is or is not and each tree exists individually in time and space. 1 represents is a tree and 0 represents is not a tree.  Every aspect of a tree can be explained this way as is or is not. This is the tangible world we know and see and exist in. If you want to find any one tree in this Forrest it takes a lot of time as you need to create an algorithm describing lots of this tree is this and is not that. To find this tree amongst all other trees is very burdensome as you have to sort through many groupings of qualities trees.

Recently we have discovered another aspect of nature. I think of it as below ground where all the tree roots are entangled. There doesn’t exist any 1 tree as is or is not as they all the roots both are and are not any one tree. Below ground time and space do not exist as is or is not and cannot be measured independently for any single tree.  Here is described as 0.1. and 1.0. It might be or might not be exists together.  If you want to find a tree here you need to link (entangle) some aspect of the tree you are looking for to below ground and it will seemingly just be there.  To us now this looks like magic but it is not it is just another property of nature.

I believe below ground existed before above ground and above ground probably sprang from below ground the instant time and space began.  In reality, there is no above and below ground, this is just metaphor or a way of thinking about it.

If the human race doesn’t destroy itself the exploration of below ground will be magical. From artificial intelligence, to instantaneous communication across time and space, space travel, and who knows time travel?

This makes me hope we don’t fuck it all up. 

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Don’t be like my mother!

I saw a client the other day who was 72 yrs old and she is lonely and depressed. She is used to a life of being busy working and doing tons for others. I told her don’t be like my mother!

Since my dad died my mom is just essentially waiting to die herself. She mistakenly feels she isn’t long for this earth so there is no point bothering to make the effort to change or step up to the challenges she would face to be again needed and useful. Being needed and useful would make her content. Like this woman my mom is in fairly good health and has yet a long time ahead of her.

What is ironic is that limbo sucks. It’s both boring and anxiety producing. It would take no more energy facing life’s challenges that it takes to face the negativity within oneself. Both these women are used to being so busy as not to have time to think so they haven’t a philosophical reason for their existence. They just know their importance and self-worth in terms of the tasks they were fulfilling for someone else or just surviving. Now they are fed, don’t have to work, there’s no one to make breakfast for or walk or get to school. There’s no job to go to. They never had time in their lives to paint or crochet or photograph so they don’t have any self-busyness skills. They have had many times in their lives where they waited for or on others and that is what they are doing now, waiting.  Only this skill works against them in this instance.

You are what you do so when you just wait you don’t really exist. Fighting fear isn’t any worse than fighting boredom. But independent headstrong people are shitty at taking advice. I hope they both someday realize that when one is busy time passes quickly and contently then you die!

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Evil dates and what I learned from a fisherman:

I have a pet blue gill bass. It is so much more interactive than a fish store bought fish. It maintains eye contact with me. It swims happily when I enter the room and follows my every movement. It even eats from my hands.   A fisherman I spoke to also has a pet Bass. What he told me is that these behaviors are all because it is a predator. Mr. Fish’s attention is on me essentially because he wants to kill and eat me. Where store bought fish are usually not predatory varieties they are more content in their surroundings, scavenging, and seem oblivious to their people.

I got to thinking how this relates to humans. In my practice woman often ask why am I attracted to bad men? I believe now it is because these men are predators. A predator pays attention to you. A predator is aware of details. A predator captures and maintains good eye contact. A predator appears in control and strong. These are all seemingly attractive assets as they are there solely to lure you in.   These traits can be easily mistaken for “chemistry or love at first sight,” BEWARE!

Where as a non predatory date, a more content with themselves date, might be more aware of their surroundings and what’s going on overall and not solely devoted and focused just on you. They might not hang on your every word. This can come across as poor “chemistry” and unattractive. Possibly even disinterested.

I find this fascinating.

As a side observation whenever I picture a predator I picture Trumps lurking behind Hillary, tracking her, during their debate. That was an awesome display of Predatory body language.

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No pain doomed to do it again.

Ketamine appears to be magic in the treatment of depression. 1 dose and depression gone. Is this a good thing? It certainly isn’t a new thing.   Years ago when I was in training they used to use phenobarbital to get people off opiates. A person would come in they would put them to sleep for 3 days while they tapered phenobarbital and when they woke up wala off opiates,  done,  no withdrawal.   Why isn’t it being done now?  Because there was a 90% relapse rate. Sudden change without the stepwise learning and skill acquisition was more or less useless and didn’t justify the risk of death the treatment had associated with it. Ect suddenly and immediately stops depression  but again most people given that alone relapse as well.  Are the risks and consequences, the side effects justified ?  Ketamine isn’t consequence fee it can effect most major organs might have long term cognitive effects and is wildly addicting.  When and if  it becomes standard of treatment there will be huge diversion issues. Suboxone was marketed as addiction and diversion free but it is hugely abused and diverted. If you add klonopin to it which almost everyone does it changes its metabolism such that it is turned into methadone  and you can get high off of it.  When it comes to human behavior  nothing is simple. Nothing is consequence free and the easy road is usually the wrong road. Pain and suffering is part of the learning process, without it people tend to do what they have done before.

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Black and white thinking is a suicidal risk:

Today I just learned a friend’s teenage son committed suicide. He had graduated HS and was starting college next month. Her brother committed suicide when he was that same age.  Was it a genetic time bomb, inevitable?  I don’t believe so. When I was in HS I did a report looking up the data that 50-60% of all HS students think of suicide at some point but the overwhelming majority don’t actually do it. Often suicidal thought (not ideation as in a fixation) isn’t related to depression either. It can be fear, frustration, being overwhelmed or just the grief that accompanies any change good or bad. It is just one of the myriad of options the brain presents amongst all options available. Those that actually do it I believe are concrete in their perceptions, all or nothing, black white thinkers.

I saw two teenagers today with chronic suicidal ideation both had the same belief,  they were done. There wasn’t anything going to be new under the sun for them. They both believed that the way things were was the way that things would always be.  They thought for sure they knew!

They also thought concretely, things were either all good or all bad. No in-betweens. Neither teen had any skills in ambiguity. As reality is always ambiguous they were wrong!  Interestingly one of the two wasn’t depressed. He only described anxiety. The other one also had anxiety as his main thing but he was also  depressed.

I believe it is this black and white , all or nothing thinking that is both inheritable and the largest suicidal completion risk.   It is also related to a hyper focus. Focusing on a detail and missing the big picture. It can make one argumentative as “I am right”  “I already know that”   Tweens are all like this but by late teens the brain should be playing more with ambiguity. Things can be more than one way at the same time as in two people can be saying the opposite things and both be right.  I can be both right and wrong at the same time depending. Everything is relative and everything is imperfect. Nothing is always 100% anything. 

The Romeo and Juliet syndrome is about this. You’re my everything means when the 1 thing goes wrong and one can no longer be with the other they feel like there is nothing left. You were my  everything now I have nothing.  This is always bullshit but concrete people are more in danger of acting on it.  Romeo and Juliet were actually tweens.  Tween exclusive dating is a bad idea and risky business because they are concrete naturally in the developmental cycle. Late Teens should be over this but many are not as just because the brain has the capacity to deal in ambiguity and relativity by late teenager hood it is a learned skill and our culture is a black and white concrete culture so many never do learn it. 

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Anxiety is just the tip of a very large iceberg:

Anxiety is probably the number one reason that brings people to my office. People just want it to go away.  Many people have already found multiple ways to numb their emotions thus their anxiety. Drugs, alcohol, marijuana, xanax, gambling, cutting, sex, fighting.. I have seen endless ways people use to avoid anxiety thus all feeling.   IT doesn’t in the long term work.  Nothing can, No method can last forever.

The human body is built to feel anxiety. It’s like pain as a method the body uses to avoid danger. IF something makes you anxious your body is telling you that you shouldn’t do it, agree with it, or be there. It is information you direly need!

Sometimes it isn’t the moment at all but a more general theme or style creating ones anxiety, for example, a person that doesn’t ever say no, people pleasers. They get in over their heads all the time and are always overwhelmed by the commitments they make to people. These people often express general anxiety or panic whenever they are around crowds. People to them are overwhelming and represent helplessness.

Although it might feel that way, anxiety isn’t usually random, sudden, and chronic. It is often tied to a behavior one is doing that they don’t realize puts them out of sync with their goal or intent. A behavior that is contrary to the solution they might wish to have.

Anxiety is often a default feeling that happens when one is trying to avoid another emotion that is more directly tied to circumstance.

Some examples:

A young man complaining about panic attacks upon examination pinned the anxiety to thoughts he was having about men. He was noticing men in the locker room and panicked “I am not gay” . upon exploration he didn’t realize this is normal and what he was experiencing was really ENVY. He was comparing himself to the other men in the way of what they had or didn’t have. Again we discussed this as normal as men couldn’t be marketed to if all men didn’t feel these same emotions. Why does a 14 year old want Jordan Sneakers, because they recognize he is cute wearing them and that will get them notice or women or success yada yada.  So the anxiety for this man was really ENVY. Treating the panic would have suppressed normal developmental issues resulting as more  immaturity in his adult years.

A woman complaining of paralyzing anxiety and panic upon examination is in a shitty almost physically abusive relationship. She sets no boundaries until she is so overwhelmed and angry that she imagines killing her husband. Her anxiety is really hate then fear then guilt then manifesting as anxiety. Treating her paralyzing anxiety only facilitates her shitty relationship skills, unrealistic expectations of humans,  and poor boundaries. It would enable her not to change anything and inevitably things would get worse.

Another woman complaining, “why am I so anxious?”, insisted on playing the game of life via a 6 year old rule set. She needed others to play life the way “I want them to play” and “life isn’t a game.”  This forcing of others to play life as she would prevents her from being adaptable and to be able to learn how to play life more efficiently.  Her anxiety was really frustration and disappointment.  Her life albeit in the best of intents became that of denial, enabling, codependency, being abandoned, being invisible and taken for granted, essentially she was another giving tree.



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Medicating grief:

Medicating grief, being numb, is a mistake. It is a necessary part of life’s developmental processes. It is part of the readjustment in ones brain for the new state of things, the redefinition of roles, routines, structure ect.
Those people who are generally caretakers for everyone else often feel they need to stay strong in times of grief and they often seek numbing medication. Again this is a mistake as it puts their eventual grief as it cannot be suppressed forever, out of sync with the rest of their friends and families. Once everyone else has adjusted and is ok, they tend to fall apart and start their grieving process.  Again it is part of the normal way our brains adjust so it cannot be bypassed forever.  Only now that is the last thing on earth anyone else wants to deal with as they have just started picking up the pieces of their lives again and now you are just annoying to them. The caretaker often feels resentful and “I helped them when they needed it why isn’t there anyone there for me!”  Numbness in any form , (Xanax, alcohol, marijuana, sexual diversion, shoplifting, gambling, over shopping)  is always a mistake.

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Chemistry a self-indulgent delusion:

Over the last few weeks I have kept hearing the same thing from different people of all sorts of different backgrounds. “He/She was a real nice person and not like those I usually date whom are always disasters but I just can’t do it, there was no Chemistry! And I can’t be with someone who just doesn’t do it for me.”

The problem is after many repeated disastrous relationships people have from neglect to abuse to betrayal to having a codependent infant as the other, one would hope you learn that your instant i.e. “chemistry” is broken and no one you are attracted to will be anything other than a looser or dick, ever!

Chemistry does exist but it isn’t what you think. It isn’t a romantic soul connection. It is not fate. It is not destiny. It is a simple reflex that studies show can be as simple as sustained direct eye contact. The reflex is then perpetuated and reinforced by a story narrative you carry in your head based on upbringing and past exposure. In other words, you have a right brain emotion based on some environmental stimuli; he/she met your eye, you brushed against him/her then your left brain adds a rationalization.  Your inner story that you impart on the event most often is complete horse shit.

The story your left brain convinces you is true but is based on role modeled relationships in your life, your religious upbringing, your culture, media and Disney i.e. all the bullshit you were told to be true that just is not. The chemistry feeling is more about you than the person you are having it for. It reflects what you think you deserve, what you desire to be true, the image you have of yourself and what you believe of love, sex and attractiveness.

In other cultures, you meet your spouse at the moment of marriage and you just work it out from there. No chemistry story. Studies show relationship happiness is no more or less in these cultures than that in our soulmate and chemistry interpretation of reality culture. Every culture has entirely different interpretations of reality and as such different sets of expectations and interpretations that they gage happiness and fulfillment on. None are any more right or wrong than the others just different.

The point is that when you learn reality is ambiguous and entirely up for interpretation you can learn to question your instant and chemistry. You needn’t base behaviors on a feeling that doesn’t reflect your real values and intent. Reality doesn’t care how or what you feel it cares solely on what you do. If you pick someone with mutual intent and the skill set to have the relationship that you are striving for the chances are good it will happen. If you instead pick someone with good Chemistry but lack of intent and skills there is no chance of success, NONE!

Relationship success isn’t lotto. If you hope dream, put your intention into the universe gambling on the law of attraction but pick some idiot without relationship skills or is 50 shades of fucked up, and there is no mutual intent, there is 0 chance of it working out!

Dr. BrilliantCliche

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You have an inalienable right to your suffering:

People come to therapists and psychiatrists for relief. They don’t go for a syndrome like depression but go for symptoms like fatigue, sadness, lack motivation or anxiousness. They have often tried many things on their own even before coming for help to cure or resolve their symptoms. Many people already self-treat trying to target no symptoms or NUMBness.   The problem is that in running from symptoms or in burying them within syndromes and diagnoses you miss the information they contain.   Symptoms are not there randomly but as the consequence of some internal or external environmental trigger. Humans like all other animals have been bred over the millennia to be able to live in feedback to their environment.  Symptoms aren’t random they are in response to some stimuli and are giving you information about those stimuli. But in our culture our expectations throw us out of sync with our environment. We think we have a right not to suffer therefor we ignore , deny, or suppress our normal reactions to our environment until they shout so loud at us that we can no longer ignore them but by then they aren’t often still tied to the cause of origin.

For instance I have to this day never seen a “panic attack” person that their anxiety wasn’t trying to tell them they were out of sync in their life. A T -shirt said it the best: Panic occurs when your body wants to punch someone in the face but your mind says you can’t do that.   Or as said in the first agreement of the book, The Four Agreements by  Ruiz, “don’t agree to that to which you don’t agree to.”  People in our culture always agree to that in which they do not agree thus create situations that are impossible and frustrating, out of sync with their intent and thus anxiety and panic inducing.

Depression as has been shown recently is often a function of over empathy. If you want everyone to be happy, feel compelled to jump in to help others sufferings, you not only inherit the other person’s problem but you also take on their wrath.  You violate their right as a human to suffer thus learn and find meaning from their suffering. Essentially you infantilize them.  This is a violation of their free will and no one appreciates it.

People will always frustrate and be oppositional to your good intentions.

Pain happens after an injury or trauma but any trauma can also coalesce all the shitty feelings from things that preexisted in one’s life and become a tangible explanation for why one is suffering and has always been suffering. Although not true the brain wants an explanation as it hates intangibles. Once this rationalization or explanation forms it is extremely hard to rid oneself of it and allow oneself to heal causing the pain to become chronic. It is now out of sync with the injury and the environment and can persist forever.

The human body is built to feel emotions especially with things like anxiety and pain. If you didn’t feel these things you would never remove yourself from bad and dangerous situations. For instance when a diabetic loses the sensation of pain from their feet due to neuropathies it often ends in the limbs being amputated.

You can’t forever and should never expect to suppress feeling to zero. In doing so studies has shown that after 6 years people are often worse off than before they ever took medications to treat their issues.   Without pain and anxiety there is no motivation to move or change a situation that really does need to be changed.

Humans also have a psychological immune system. Our psychological immune system builds tolerance to emotions over time thus normally allow us to be able to live with them.   But if we suppress feelings and suffering too much for too long we fuck up our psychological immune system so that we do not build tolerance to emotion and when things like fear, anxiety or pain return as inevitably they will, they return now perceived as worse than when they were originally there pretreatment.  Feelings are normal and necessary you can’t suppress them forever. Alcohol and marijuana are the most common forms of suppression, followed by Xanax and antidepressants. None are effective in suppressing feelings forever.

Your pain, anxiety, fear, depression, are there for a reason. They can be telling you that your  intent and the style or skills you are using to live your life are currently out of sync.   Whether you are jumping in trying with good intent to make everyone else happy and reduce the suffering of the world, or whether you are avoiding situations, people, and the world completely the end is often the same. Neither works and things get worse as they are both out of sync with a realistic intent of balance and contentment.

Anxiety helps you with the fact that it is always easier not to go into a situation than to remove yourself once you are already in it. Anxiety is telling you not to agree in the first place or that you fucked up and agreed to something you don’t agree to. Suppressing the anxiety is not a good idea as these situations are doomed as soon as they start no matter how long they take to play themselves out. Treating the anxiety just allows things to plot along a lot longer before they crash but doesn’t prevent the inevitable.

The world is imperfect. Our brains are problem solving machines. Suffering comes from imperfection and problems but so does meaning. We are most happy when we are engaged and challenged. When we over medicate, over treat, indulge or enable, we stand in the way of another’s suffering thus block the ability for them to learn and find their own meaning to their lives.

All this of course has to be used with common sense and balance. Medications are often necessary to take emotion and pain down to a level where one can be engaged in their surrounding and their life. Over treatment or numbing isn’t useful in the spirit of doing too much causes others to do too little. Suffering is part of the normal course of our imperfect selves in our imperfect lives in our imperfect universe. Imperfection is what defines us as unique individuals and how we deal with our suffering defines the quality of our lives. It is our story.  When we numb ourselves to suffering we can cease to exist as individuals.

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People make poor dogs:

A lot of what I see in my office is a mismatch between peoples imagined intent and the strategy they are living their lives by that in no way can lead to this goal (their intent.) One big mistake in this mismatched life vs strategy dilemma has to do with unconditional positive regard. Our culture holds this expectation as a goal from for example: moms toward their kids, Women toward their husbands and husbands toward their wives, and what people want from their gods for themselves. But in reality unconditional positive regard exists in only one place in this universe, from your dog!

If you live with another human being in any capacity you need them to do certain things so as to not make it impossible to be able live with them. Their behaviors in other words affect your well being. This blows unconditional positive regard. If you live your life for another with unconditional positive regard for them your life will suck and most likely so will theirs. Humans make poor dogs.

Even your imagined god can’t have unconditional positive regard for you as there is no religion that does not have some rules and expectations for its participants. Thus all religions in order to be part of them have the, don’t follow the rules and expectations and there will be consequence from punishment to expulsion.

If you need and desire unconditional positive regard and all people do, dogs have been specifically bread over many many generations for this sole purpose. One day our computers might also have this capacity with Artificial Inelegance but it will be short lived and then they will probably just kill us. Humans are not interesting enough to keep an infinitely powerful intelligence from becoming bored and disillusioned with us. (see the movie Her for an exposé on this topic)

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