Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché,
I have a busy life and am a busy person but I love to write thus keep a blog and also post often on Face Book both about my life and inner thoughts. What erks me to no end is my wife refuses to read any of my posts. She says not to take it personally as she is also a busy person and she doesn’t go on line to read anyone’s private posts as most of her work is done on line and on social media. She says if I want to tell her something important just tell her in person as we do live in the same house. Only this isn’t often possible as even though she works from home she doesn’t like to be interrupted when she is working and I don’t often remember for later what was so inspiring, that’s why I wrote it down at the time in the first place. The irony of this out of sync on line phenomena is that we actually met on line via an on line dating service and at one time we conversed often on line about just these kind of random spontaneous thoughts that we wished to share with each other. Shouldn’t she should be flattered that 16 years later I still wish to share these things with her?
Many years ago in therapy with clients we often discussed differing partners sexual needs and that they needed to have a conversation open and honest with each other, learning to listen to each other and sharing their needs. Today we often have to have the same conversation regarding differing partners on line needs.
From on line porn use to how much either partner shares on social media about their personal life to what “friends” means to each partner regarding their on line friends list, i.e. ex girl or boyfriends. These are all areas of potential contention that need to be discussed and defined. You have to have a conversation with your wife about when and where is best for you two to reserve time for each other as to maintain the relationship. Whenever and wherever isn’t really a reasonable thing to ask as is often done in dating before “real life” intervenes.
In the old days we used to have couples write letters to each other to convene feeling and needs that might have been to difficult to express verbally. These days’ people wear their heart on Face Book. Maybe you can just Print Screen and save it for her for when she has time to read them later?
Dr. Brilliant Cliché
Granny says: here’s something you need to consider – if you are posting your thoughts for all to see, they aren’t really personal anymore, are they? I know that things have changed a lot since I was married or dating, but I feel there’s something vaguely insulting about telling the social media world your “important” thoughts, and then expecting your significant other to be part of the general fan club. What makes your primary relationship different from your friendships is that there are some things you share only with your partner. If your life and inner thoughts are scrolling out there like the news feed in Times Square, there isn’t anything very special about it, is there?
I sometimes read back in some of the journals I wrote before social media came in vogue. The most important and significant things I felt and wrote were things I’d only want to share with someone who was important and significant to me. When you are a media slut (let’s call it like it is) your wife isn’t getting anything but sloppy seconds. Think about it.