Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché,
I am 25 and thinking about getting married but the statistics are grim. What is the secret?
Before today I would have told you about mutual intent, goodness of fit, communication skills and expectations. Things like: there is an I in team and balance of: family, self, vocation and play. Setting up a life is the same as setting up a nonprofit. You can’t sleep with anyone you are mothering. Even the ideas of stable ponying and the theory of transactional analysis. But a friend said to me today “What are you wacked? The stats are at least 50 percent divorce amongst every economic group, every culture, every race, every religion, every vocation, mixed couples of every possible combination and at every educational level. And they maintain 50 percent or higher on second and third marriages.” Essentially she said “It’s all a crap shoot.”
I am not entirely convinced that there aren’t pockets as all my friends from high school’s marriages are intact and strong going on twenty years or more but there doesn’t appear to be any magic formula no matter what or whose book you read. And science based on every other mammalian species would predict humans for serial monogamy not monogamy. So maybe it is all a crap shoot but that doesn’t mean don’t do it.
Hopeful, I can tell you this “Deal with the tragedies as they occur for they will occur.” Hell we all die but that doesn’t mean don’t live your life to its fullest! Remember Everything is imperfect. Enjoy what you can while you can and make the best life for yourself you can. Pick someone to be with that you can see surviving those tragedies with you and being there for you.
Today’s Cliché: “ Skills are a better bet than fun.”
And stay Hopeful,
Dr. Brilliant Cliché