Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché,
My 16 year old daughter is having some behavioral issues and hanging with what I would consider a poor crowed. I think she is confused. For example: Her closet is divided. On one side are Patriot sweatshirts and T shirts, comfy clothes, and the other Black dresses and more sexy clothing.
I am afraid she is at a crossroad and she might be choosing the wrong path? She doesn’t want to listen to anything I say. I am not sure how to help her?
Teenagers are passionate about just about everything. Some are even passionate about not being passionate. Passion is fine. It not only keeps one’s mind sharp but it makes life feel meaningful. Only Passion has to stay within the boundaries of one’s inner morals. Inner morals are not religion or what church or temple teaches. Religious morals don’t often determine human behavior at the time choices are made but are used to feel guilt after people already did something that violates them.
Inner morals are based on ones Intent. What kind of person do you want to be? And you are only allowed to do what that person would do or you cease to be that person. What kind of person one is can be determined by how one touches and influence others. An example is at a Quaker wedding or funeral. They “whiteness” the person. They stand up in front of the community and tell how the person influenced or touched their life. The Quakers got this right for that is who a person is. In the book ‘Speaker for the dead’ it is called “Speaking a person.” You can even be passionate about these inner morals for it is who you are.
Your daughter has to ask herself this question. What kind of person do I want to be and how do I want to touch others? How do I want to be remembered? How would I want to be presented to my spouse at the time of my wedding? What do I want to role model?
Teenager hood is a time of passion and figuring this out. Your daughter has to take the rains in asking these questions and not allow others to make these decisions up for her. Otherwise she will be only how others influence her and not how she touches others. If she doesn’t learn to write her own life, take responsibility for herself, she will just be others and never herself. People who don’t learn this essentially don’t exist. They are Giving Tree’s sacrificing for others, taken for granted, and invisible.
“Passion is ok so long as it is in the bounds of inner morals”
Dr. Brilliant Cliché