Passion is OK

Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché,

My 16 year old daughter is having some behavioral issues and hanging with what I would consider a poor crowed. I think she is confused. For example: Her closet is divided. On one side are Patriot sweatshirts and T shirts, comfy clothes, and the other Black dresses and more sexy clothing.

I am afraid she is at a crossroad and she might be choosing the wrong path? She doesn’t want to listen to anything I say. I am not sure how to help her?

Concerned Parent

 

Dear Concerned,

Teenagers are passionate about just about everything. Some are even passionate about not being passionate. Passion is fine. It not only keeps one’s mind sharp but it makes life feel meaningful. Only Passion has to stay within the boundaries of one’s inner morals. Inner morals are not religion or what church or temple teaches. Religious morals don’t often determine human behavior at the time choices are made but are used to feel guilt after people already did something that violates them.

Inner morals are based on ones Intent. What kind of person do you want to be? And you are only allowed to do what that person would do or you cease to be that person.   What kind of person one is can be determined by how one touches and influence others. An example is at a Quaker wedding or funeral. They “whiteness” the person. They stand up in front of the community and tell how the person influenced or touched their life. The Quakers got this right for that is who a person is. In the book ‘Speaker for the dead’ it is called “Speaking a person.” You can even be passionate about these inner morals for it is who you are.

Your daughter has to ask herself this question. What kind of person do I want to be and how do I want to touch others? How do I want to be remembered? How would I want to be presented to my spouse at the time of my wedding? What do I want to role model?

Teenager hood is a time of passion and figuring this out. Your daughter has to take the rains in asking these questions and not allow others to make these decisions up for her. Otherwise she will be only how others influence her and not how she touches others. If she doesn’t learn to write her own life, take responsibility for herself, she will just be others and never herself. People who don’t learn this essentially don’t exist. They are Giving Tree’s sacrificing for others, taken for granted, and invisible.

 

Today’s Cliché:

“Passion is ok so long as it is in the bounds of inner morals”

 

Dr. Brilliant Cliché

 

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About Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Dr. Brilliant Cliché and the Granny Dr. are a fictional web presence and advice blog. Together we offer a joint perspective that is deep but not academic, entertaining but not fluff, and educated yet street smart. By joining the internet community we hope to share thoughts and stimulate insightful conversation around pressing issues that affect us all. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. (This is not a site for therapy nor does it intend to replace medical or other professional care. ) You can leave comments here or email The Dr. at dr.brilliantcliche@yahoo.com and don’t forget to like us on facebook. Our facebook page is Dr. Brilliant Cliche
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4 Responses to Passion is OK

  1. Granny Dr. Commented:

    I have a question for you- have you ever heard of a parent giving advice to a teen and having that advice cause them to change their ways and grow into happy, well adjusted adults?

    I think that parents need to understand that kids need to struggle in order to grow.
    Lord knows, there will be plenty to deal with when they walk out that door.
    How can they get ready if they are never exposed?
    Trying on different clothes and different styles is healthy.
    The most emotionally restricted guy I ever met had a “great” relationship with his parents.
    They were really strict with him, and he always listened to them.
    He never ran with a wild crowd or did irresponsible stuff in school. He’s never done drugs, he doesn’t drink.
    He’s responsible, dutiful, and loyal… he makes a really great friend, as long as nothing emotionally deep is approached.
    But he’s also completely incapable of a relationship, having fun socially, or relaxing, and he has serious health problems,
    largely because he has a really limited diet that carried over from his restricted childhood, but can’t consider changing it.
    He suffers from chronic depression.

    Listening to your parents, being loyal, never trying drugs, and being “good” all the time doesn’t necessarily insure a well balanced, emotionally healthy adult.

    At least this girl’s parents know what she’s experimenting with.
    If she was acting “good” and keeping her friends a secret,
    there would really be something to worry about…but then,. mom wouldn’t know!
    All parents can do is try to keep kids from damaging themselves before they even leave home, and being good role models who aren’t controlling, critical or judgmental.

    wouldn’t it be nice if there were real answers?

  2. Andrew Luck says:

    I would be deeply troubled by any teen that has a closet filled with Patriots clothing. If she also has pictures of Tom Brady, please consider counseling. If she has pictures of coach Bill Belichick the situation is hopeless.

    • LOL , That’s only because you are probably not from MA. In MA the schools have patriot appreciation days where everyone is supposed to were Patriot paraphilia. It is just about mandatory to have Patriot clothes in ones closet. I believe in separation of advertising and state but that just is not the way in America. The patriots support a lot of community and educational programs locally and as the public message these days is that it is not the governments job to promote a healthy and educated populace someone has to do it.

  3. Listen and relate says:

    I agree with Granny. Your daughter needs to experience and find her own identity. Even though we don’t want to let go and want to protect our children, be understanding, don’t judge, and let her feel that she can trust you. Talk to her about her outings, and share your experience with her, so she knows that you do understand her.
    It’s like the Mother’s Book story. If put a book on the shelf and tell the child not to read it, the child will get curious and determine to read it. So, if you tell her that she can’t hangout with certain friends, she will find ways to do it and not tell you.

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