Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes uses the phenomena of the swan who finds herself raised in a family of ducks as to why one feels out of sync in their family. Anytime you can find your story in a self help book it means this is a pretty universal feeling.
Each generation works hard to give the next what they believe they will need to do best in life but in doing so the socio economic and social context from one generation to the next is completely deferent. Therefore every generation has difficulty relating to the previous one and to the next one. You can only know what you know so whatever your experience it is THE NEW NORM. You can’t explain feeling and experience you had to someone who didn’t have those experiences in a way that will make them feel as if they had. A good novel or movie gives one an inkling of what it would be to actually have been there but few of us are this kind of story teller.
Rather than trying to make your parents or children understand or to try to appease them by just acquiescing realize the best way to maintain some balance of self and other is by being yourself and role modeling the life you are trying to achieve.
It is not easy for as one goes up the socioeconomic ladder there is often more individuality and less community due to things that suck lots of time and energy in order to maintain that are part of increased socioeconomic strata like mortgage and debt. As much as community can be a holding back factor as in drama and everyone being in everyone else’s business it also always a loss when one moves out of it as community is a large part of one’s self identification.
I am from a family that started in the lower middle class, basic worker bees. They worked hard slaving six days a week to provide a better neighborhood and an education for their kids that they didn’t have growing up. They left behind an extended family all living walking distance from one another. The better school district and lack of common experience mixed with no time to focus on making new social connections caused them to live as fish out of water in the neighborhood where I was raised. They didn’t fit in thus I didn’t fit in affecting peer relations growing up.
Their lower middle class values from ethnic Brooklyn certainly did not reflect the reality of the higher middle class suburbs. My parent’s mottos operandi being: work hard, sacrifice, and live through the accomplishments of one’s kids.
The Suburban mottos operandi more reflected the USA’s economic engine philosophy of success. Work to buy things in order to compete with ones neighbors and spend money on vacations and time shares and large mowers.
Growing up in entirely different educational, and social economic, and proximity to extended family, realities made it impossible for my parents and I to relate to each other. They maintain libertarian republican views of staunch individuality and “its mine.” Where I am more of a liberal democrat of why can’t we all share and we need regulations to ensure we play fairly. I missed out on the camaraderie of living in an ethnic close family neighborhood but I also missed out on the drama involved with that.
There is no real solution for the generational divide, it is what it is. I do appreciate my parent’s hard work and sacrifice but that doesn’t change the fact that the way they see the world is narrow and deleterious to the human race as a whole. They are for Trump and I am for Bernie Sanders.
It is what it is, I hope they lose!