Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché,
I am not sure if it is a problem but my situation just feels weird sometimes. I have been married for over 15 years and my wife can finish my thoughts before I can even formulate what I was going to say.
Because of this, it feels like, “why bother if I am I that predictable? How can she not be bored with me if I don’t need to actually participate?”
Is this normal? And if so, why can’t I do the same with her? I never know what she is thinking. I can’t tell if she is mad at me or just having a bad day.
Just a Guy
A professor I once worked under used to say, “All people are a cliché.” What he meant was that what people have done before, they will do again, and in more or less the same pattern. It makes sense if you consider this fact- you can only know what you know and what you do is based on what you know. Some people are better at recognizing the clichés than others. Your wife pays attention to you, or she would not know you so well, and that is not a bad thing. All people are predictable if you are paying attention.
I wouldn’t say you bore her. That is your issue, probably due to your self-esteem. Besides, predictability and stability in a relationship are not bad things. Unpredictable relationships are rollercoaster’s. But if you are worried about it, surprise her. Buy her some flowers tonight.
Dr. Brilliant Cliché
Granny says: if your wife were bored with you, instead of paying such close attention that she can predict your every thought, she would ignore you, day dream about more exciting partners and have no idea what you are going to say because she doesn’t give a crap.
Here is another cliche, but one that is true- heterosexual men are not nearly as intuitive as heterosexual women and gay men. It’s an actual feature of brain development, not some sort of character deficiency in you. Heterosexual men and gay women are more mechanically inclined and less connected to their emotional and intuitive centers. However, if you take a cue from your wife and start paying the sort of attention to her that she pays to you, you will begin to notice many things about her that You don’t notice now.
Intuition is not a magical power that comes out of the blue. Intuition is the result of careful observation, a good memory, and the ability to process a lot of information and draw conclusions based on multiple evidence. If you went to police training school, you would learn how to develop keen powers of observation. Cops see a lot because they learned how. You can learn too. And Granny intuitively predicts that when you become more observant, not only will you understand your wife better, you will BOTH find yourself much less boring. 🙂