Dear Abby what were you thinking?

Yesterday, Dear Abby gave the worst advice I’ve ever heard and I only hope this gets to the poor woman who wrote in before she follows it.

A wife and nurse presented the following scenario- her husband was a patient at the hospital she worked at and she pulled up his records just out of curiosity. She saw that his doctor had noted, “HIGH RISK FOR SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES.”  He’d had multiple tests, treatments, and work ups for these throughout their marriage while their own sex life was minimal. She asked Abby what she should do and if she should bring up what she discovered with her husband. Abby replied that what she had done was illegal but she should defiantly talk to him about it and rethink the status of the marriage.


Here’s the problem with the advice- what this nurse did is not only illegal, it is a federal crime. The least that will happen is that her husband will make a windfall in suing the hospital for the violation and damages, probably for a divorce directly related to the lack of protection of his health care information. This poor woman will also lose her license to practice medicine and incur fines and possibly jail time. She will at least be brought up by the medical board.

What she should do is say nothing about what she found but immediately discontinue having sex with him. She should get herself a good physical and catch him in another way, through phone records or a private detective. As he wasn’t too careful in the first place it probably won’t be hard to prove his infidelity another way.

If this husband is not rich losing her job and livelihood won’t be worth not waiting just a bit to get divorced.


Dr. Brilliant Cliché

CC: Dear ABBY and the


About Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Dr. Brilliant Cliché and the Granny Dr. are a fictional web presence and advice blog. Together we offer a joint perspective that is deep but not academic, entertaining but not fluff, and educated yet street smart. By joining the internet community we hope to share thoughts and stimulate insightful conversation around pressing issues that affect us all. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. (This is not a site for therapy nor does it intend to replace medical or other professional care. ) You can leave comments here or email The Dr. at and don’t forget to like us on facebook. Our facebook page is Dr. Brilliant Cliche
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Dear Abby what were you thinking?

  1. common sense says:

    So its ok for the wife to lie and to scheme another way of catching her husband Even though she was in the wrong ? Who’s to say he was unfaithful ? Who’s to say he didn’t have this condition before they were married ? If the women did something wrong or illegal why shouldn’t she be held accountable just as IF the husband did something wrong ? Maybe the “what were you thinking ” headline should apply to your response as well since your response is as foolish and one-sided as it gets And completely ignores the real issue of what the wife did.

  2. Granny says: I did not put my two cents into this issue like I usually do when the blog was first posted, but I am going to now. Common Sense, I agree with you wholeheartedly on one point. It was not the best advice to tell this woman to start planning and scheming without clearly understanding all the facts. HOWEVER- You are forgetting something. This is not merely a legal issue between a medical professional and a total stranger. This is an issue between a husband and wife. This woman’s health, and very life, can be threatened by her husband’s irresponsible behavior and cover ups. I can place no blame on her for looking at her husband’s medical records. I would probably have done exactly the same if I were in her position. Oh, and by the way- I researched this thoroughly and it is extremely rare for STDs to keep recurring without re-infection. If this man was seriously concerned about such a possibility, he would have, reasonably, asked his wife to be tested to rule her out as a potential re-infection source. The fact that he did not proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is up to something behind her back. Before you get all full of self-righteousness indignation over what “the wife did,” I’d like you to read Dr. Brilliant’s response below.

    Dear Common Sense,

    The majority of HIV clients I have treated have not been homosexual males. They have been heterosexual women who were unwittingly infected by their boyfriends, husbands and lovers who did not tell them they were HIV positive.

    Based on multiple STD treatments, this husband was probably cheating on the wife throughout their marriage. However, if it was, as you said, “a chronic condition” from before their marriage it would be that much worse. The only conditions I know of that persist in such a way are herpes, human papilloma virus, chronic syphilis, or HIV. All of these have the potential of serious medical complications in an uninformed spouse. Before you take his side, consider this: he has been endangering her since their first sexual encounter, since he didn’t inform her of his condition.

    Regardless of her motivation I am glad she found out and I only hope not too late.

    Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s