Loosey Goosey:

Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché,

How can one measure the looseness or tightness of their vagina?? I have a fear that I am loose. How can I get it tighter without surgery?

Miss Fit

Dear Miss Fit,

As a therapist I always have to ask what provokes a question. If you have been told you are “too loose”, and in an insensitive manner, this is probably a symptom of a much larger problem. There is rarely such a thing as being “too loose” if you’re in good health, reasonably fit, and have not yet had children. If your partner has cited this as a flaw, it could it be his size, not yours. Of course, after giving birth there can be another story.

The vagina is made to expand and accommodate, but after delivery it can often use some help getting back into shape. There are simple exercises for the pubococcygeal muscle which supports the pelvic viscera. I will let Granny explain how they work, since, lacking a vagina, I’ve never actually done them. There are additional perks in training this muscle. Contracting it during intercourse will give your partner a nice surprise. However, as with all body building, don’t go crazy with it. A snug fit is great but too much of a good thing can be problematic. I once dated a woman who could crack a vibrator with her vagina. This made sex with her a little bit scary- she had to be careful not to inflict permanent damage.

There are other issues to watch for in good vaginal health. Lubrication and elasticity are functions of estrogen, so pain during intercourse is a sign there might be an imbalance. Some woman complain of quite the opposite of your question- they feel so “tight” that intercourse is painful. This could be from fear, anxiety, or bad technique, because the vagina will accommodate anything to the size of a baby.

A sex therapist might be helpful for you.

Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Granny says: the exercise that Dr. Brilliant speaks of is called a kegel and I got quite an education when I took natural childbirth classes. First, you need to locate the muscles in question. Here’s how: the next time you are peeing, clench and cut the urine off midstream. Congratulations- you’ve done a kegel! This exercise is best done lying on your back. To begin, tighten those pelvic floor muscles, hold for five seconds, and then relax for five seconds. Work up to keeping the muscles contracted for 10 seconds at a time, then relaxing for 10 seconds between contractions. Don’t hold your breath! What you want to aim for is three sets of ten repetitions per day. Be consistent!

Does it work? Yes, it does. And Granny can testify personally about that “surprise your partner” thing. The first time you give this little “handshake” to a guy, he usually freaks out. If you want to have some fun with him, pretend you don’t know what he’s talking about.

Here’s the practical truth- if you continue a kegel clench off and on during intercourse, the size of your vagina is irrelevant; the effect is dynamite. I’ve applied the clench method when I was with a guy who had a rather small organ; it seems to level the playing field on both ends. Another plus- tightening your vaginal muscles during orgasm actually intensifies the sensation and can open the door to those “multiple orgasms” most people only read about in porn mags. I recommend this technique for every woman. You’re welcome, men.

A final note- there is no standard size you can apply to sexual organs; they are what they are. Comparing yourself is the road to madness. The idea is to find a partner who appreciates YOU.

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About Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Dr. Brilliant Cliché and the Granny Dr. are a fictional web presence and advice blog. Together we offer a joint perspective that is deep but not academic, entertaining but not fluff, and educated yet street smart. By joining the internet community we hope to share thoughts and stimulate insightful conversation around pressing issues that affect us all. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. (This is not a site for therapy nor does it intend to replace medical or other professional care. ) You can leave comments here or email The Dr. at dr.brilliantcliche@yahoo.com and don’t forget to like us on facebook. Our facebook page is Dr. Brilliant Cliche
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2 Responses to Loosey Goosey:

  1. This post was from our first publication in MOTIFRI magazine online!!!!!

  2. Dear Loosey Goosey,
    Getting estrogen balance makes sense if you feel too loose or too tight. Lubrication should improve good sensation in either situation. If the lubrication is good and there is vaginal pain, please get a medical evaluation. If you have had more than one partner, did you feel this way with all your partners? The kegel exercise seems a sure way to make you firm. If you have had this feeling with other partners then the exercises may solve the problem. If this partner is the first one to make you feel this way, then maybe he needs to be more supportive. Why do the exercises alone? Depending on the kind of fore play you’re both used to, the exercises could be combined with the full intercourse experience. However, if either of you still feel self-conscious, then a referral to a sex therapist may be helpful.

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