To be significant one must first embrace their insignificance:

Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché;

I read the book, The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut, and one scene in particular sticks in my mind. Two men are flying in a plane high over the earth, looking down and musing that there were now nearly 7 billion people down there, all of them struggling for life. One man turns to the other and says “and I suppose they will all want dignity.”

Something about that passage puts things in perspective for me. Here we are, nearly 7 billion people on a small planet which is running out of resources…and most of us seem to act like the whole thing revolves around us- the control freaks who can’t let go, the drug addicts who can’t accept or process their own pain, the pampered princesses and princes who pout when they don’t get the exact color Porsche they wanted for their birthday..

When you pull back and look down at it all, we are like millions of ants crawling around. And yet we all want dignity. We all get upset when someone doesn’t treat us properly or follow our wishes.

Do we all need to go and live in Darfur for a while, or what?

Green Greta

Dear GG,

My daughter is ten and whenever she doesn’t get her way she reacts with righteous indignation, “what do you mean I can’t have…!” As a child, this is normal and healthy- seeing the world as it all revolves around you. Children do not see the world as separate from themselves and there is both gain and loss in the awareness one gets with age of a separate sense of self. The story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden is such a metaphor.

Our culture seems to reinforce immaturity; it is unable to balance the self and not-self very well. The message ends up: “It is all about you.” I’ve been noticing many bad decisions and unhappiness stem from personalities which simply don’t understand their own insignificance.

Reality is a duality and insignificance needs to be balanced with significance. “You can make a difference” has to be balanced with “you matter not one iota in the big scheme of the universe.” Having one philosophy without the other makes a person self-centered. That can be either positive narcissism (i.e. I am the hero and everyone depends on me) or negative reverse narcissism (i.e. I am the anti-hero and everything is my fault.)

The first step in AA addresses this issue: powerlessness is a synonym of insignificance. Until you embrace your insignificance you can never learn how to be significant.

Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Granny says:

So true…
Do-gooders seldom realize how much of their ego is involved in their deeds, and how much importance they place on themselves.

One of the things I like best about being older is that there is no temptation to imagine one is the center of the universe.
The closer I get to leaving this world, the more I wonder why the hell I drove myself nuts over so many things that had nothing to do with me.

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About Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Dr. Brilliant Cliché and the Granny Dr. are a fictional web presence and advice blog. Together we offer a joint perspective that is deep but not academic, entertaining but not fluff, and educated yet street smart. By joining the internet community we hope to share thoughts and stimulate insightful conversation around pressing issues that affect us all. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. (This is not a site for therapy nor does it intend to replace medical or other professional care. ) You can leave comments here or email The Dr. at dr.brilliantcliche@yahoo.com and don’t forget to like us on facebook. Our facebook page is Dr. Brilliant Cliche
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One Response to To be significant one must first embrace their insignificance:

  1. Comment:

    Someone I know sits on a nonprofit board and is always miffed by how much narcissism and ego is involved in these do-gooders. They take everything so personally as if they don’t get their way they lose all meaning in their lives. It sometimes even causes meanness in otherwise well intentioned people.

    Dr. B.C.

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