Wild taboo fantasies:

Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché;

This may seem like a bizarre question, but what does it mean if a person has fantasies during masturbation that don’t match their preferences in reality at all? I belong to a woman’s group and we discuss literally everything that we do. Lately we’ve been talking a lot about our sex lives, and we discovered that most of us enjoy picturing scenarios we’d never get into in a million years- in fact one woman said that when a guy she was dating began hinting he’d like to do some of the things she fantasized about, she immediately wanted to break up with him because he was too wild.

Why are so many women turned on by things that they are also somewhat repelled by? Do men do this too?

Anita Grey

Dear Anita,

Fantasy is just that- your imagination. People play with all kind of ideas but that doesn’t mean they will act on any of it. In fact there’s a saying: “ It is those that can’t imagine it that have to do it.” The more repressed a culture one was raised in, often the more wild the imagination. I doubt this differs from men to woman.

These days the internet caters to all fantasies and this is somewhat dangerous- in chat rooms you can meet up with people who are really acting out the imagined scenario you would never do. This can pressure an individual to break boundaries and act out their own fantasies, more than likely discovering all the reasons why it was bad idea in the first place.

I have met people who lost a great deal pursuing such scenarios. Fantasy doesn’t reflect reality and will always come at a price.

Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Granny says: I disagree- fantasy is not just a person’s imagination. Very few people are capable of fabricating original thoughts out of thin air. Every “imagination” we have is triggered by something that was, at least at one point, very real.

I think that the fantasies people have are a direct reflection, or distortion, of things they have experienced or grapple with in many areas of their lives. Children who were abused are far more likely to gown up with fantasies of abusing. Powerful men who are in exhausting control of every other area of their life will fantasize about being controlled by a strong dominating partner. There is nothing that we think or do that does not come from us and the life we have lived.

The things we fantasize about are a clue to what is inside of us. Interpreting those clues however is a very tricky business, and meaning has to be balanced against the fact that what we choose to concentrate on becomes stronger with every passing moment. I think that many a life has been wasted in the pursuit of a balance that can never be found.


About Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Dr. Brilliant Cliché and the Granny Dr. are a fictional web presence and advice blog. Together we offer a joint perspective that is deep but not academic, entertaining but not fluff, and educated yet street smart. By joining the internet community we hope to share thoughts and stimulate insightful conversation around pressing issues that affect us all. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. (This is not a site for therapy nor does it intend to replace medical or other professional care. ) You can leave comments here or email The Dr. at dr.brilliantcliche@yahoo.com and don’t forget to like us on facebook. Our facebook page is Dr. Brilliant Cliche
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2 Responses to Wild taboo fantasies:


    I disagree. The brain is a processing machine that processes all data and is limitless in possibilities. I concur that what we choose to pursue defines us but just because we haven’t experienced something doesn’t mean we don’t think about it. TV, media and movies expose us to everything from the bizarre to the mundane and we process that data. Our fantasies don’t necessarily reflect who we are as individuals but our pursuit of them does. I don’t believe there is such a thing as a wrong thought but there certainly is wrong behavior. The choosing to return to a bad thought is a bad behavior as well.

    Dr. B.C.

    Granny says: we all see many of the same things- yet none of us reacts exactly the same. There is something in all of us that drives our choices and determines what we choose to focus on and what we choose to ignore. To say that our fantasies are not connected to who we are is absurd.

    Unlike Dr. Brilliant, I believe that there are wrong thoughts as well as wrong behavior. Thoughts are what stay inside our head, behavior is an acting out of our thoughts. One can return to a destructive thought over and over again without ever acting on it…yet it can still effectively build a wall between ourselves and our effective functioning in reality.

    There is no saying, “ It is those that can’t imagine it that have to do it.” I looked all over the freaking’ internet and nothing came close. It’s an absurd idea anyway. Nobody can DO anything they haven’t thought of, unless it’s falling into a hole while running in the dark. People who think about things over and over strengthen those things by giving them energy. And don’t ever kid yourself- energy matters. The things that you give yourself to become real.

    Dr Brilliant adds: We seem to be describing two of the schools of thought: Granny; Cognitive = which says thoughts create how you feel and determine your behavior. Change the thoughts and you will change the behaviors.


    Dr. Brilliant; Dialectical Behavioral = which says feelings happen first then behaviors based on them reflexively and lastly a story to explain the behavior which is essentially a lie. Reduce the affect and you gain choice in your behavior and you will not need a story or reason to explain it.

    Granny says: Sorry, but you cannot affiliate me with the school you seek to. My beliefs can’t be that neatly categorized. I do not, in fact, believe that thoughts create how you feel and determine your behavior. I believe that each of us has some unnamable drive or nature within that causes us to process our experiences accordingly. I would never call such an impulse a thought. Thoughts are of the intellect…our essential drives come from a much deeper place. I think that psychology makes a huge mistake in attempting to categorize the way in which it does. Science does not seem to recognize any aspects of the total human being other than thoughts and feelings and actions. This may account for it’s low success rate.

  2. What a person does when their alone and masturbating is a purely free flowing fantasy. However, I think a decent fantasy like this is beyond what could be physically, financially, and perhaps even scientifically possible to carry out if shared with your partner. You and your partner could never carry out all the juicy ingredients that’s in your mind. So there you are alone thinking of your fantasy while making love with your partner. What’s wrong with this picture? How can you keep your great fantasy but keep an emotional union while making love? First, make sure it is your partner that is in the fantasy and not some other real person or some imagined created person. Secondly, don’t change anything about your partner. However, you can change anything you want about yourself. This way, you love your partner just as they are while enjoying who (at that moment) you may really wish to be.

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