Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché;
This may seem like a bizarre question, but what does it mean if a person has fantasies during masturbation that don’t match their preferences in reality at all? I belong to a woman’s group and we discuss literally everything that we do. Lately we’ve been talking a lot about our sex lives, and we discovered that most of us enjoy picturing scenarios we’d never get into in a million years- in fact one woman said that when a guy she was dating began hinting he’d like to do some of the things she fantasized about, she immediately wanted to break up with him because he was too wild.
Why are so many women turned on by things that they are also somewhat repelled by? Do men do this too?
Fantasy is just that- your imagination. People play with all kind of ideas but that doesn’t mean they will act on any of it. In fact there’s a saying: “ It is those that can’t imagine it that have to do it.” The more repressed a culture one was raised in, often the more wild the imagination. I doubt this differs from men to woman.
These days the internet caters to all fantasies and this is somewhat dangerous- in chat rooms you can meet up with people who are really acting out the imagined scenario you would never do. This can pressure an individual to break boundaries and act out their own fantasies, more than likely discovering all the reasons why it was bad idea in the first place.
I have met people who lost a great deal pursuing such scenarios. Fantasy doesn’t reflect reality and will always come at a price.
Dr. Brilliant Cliché
Granny says: I disagree- fantasy is not just a person’s imagination. Very few people are capable of fabricating original thoughts out of thin air. Every “imagination” we have is triggered by something that was, at least at one point, very real.
I think that the fantasies people have are a direct reflection, or distortion, of things they have experienced or grapple with in many areas of their lives. Children who were abused are far more likely to gown up with fantasies of abusing. Powerful men who are in exhausting control of every other area of their life will fantasize about being controlled by a strong dominating partner. There is nothing that we think or do that does not come from us and the life we have lived.
The things we fantasize about are a clue to what is inside of us. Interpreting those clues however is a very tricky business, and meaning has to be balanced against the fact that what we choose to concentrate on becomes stronger with every passing moment. I think that many a life has been wasted in the pursuit of a balance that can never be found.