He is a GAS!

Dear Doctor Brilliant Cliché;

I am in a situation that stinks. Really.

I have the best boyfriend in the world- he’s fun to be with, he’s attractive and attentive. I feel like the universe is having a cosmic joke on me because it sent me the ideal man… and then gave him a fatal flaw that is driving us apart- the guy farts like an old dog with colic. I can’t stand to sleep in the same bed with him. When we go out, he is constantly ducking away to release gas… and if he can’t hide, he brings tears to the eyes of those around us. No one really knows where it’s coming from, but it embarrasses me anyway not to mention, it stinks to high heaven.

What do I do about this? Should I try to adjust my sensibilities… or let the best guy I ever knew get away? Maybe a gas mask?

Petunia Rose

Dear Petunia,

Gas from the A__, methane, is a byproduct of the mixing of two things- the food you eat and the bacteria that live in your intestines. These bacteria help digest the food but in doing so create methane gas.

Here’s some steps to solving the problem. First, have your boyfriend get a medical checkup to make sure there are no mal-absorption or medical issues. Next, see a nutritionist and learn which foods are simpler to break down and thus create less gas. If worse comes to worse, and as a LAST RESORT ONLY, there are medications that help.

Interestingly enough this Gas from the A__ might be the cheapest most efficient source of free energy available. More environmentally friendly countries than ours are already starting to derive their power directly from their toilets. So your boyfriend’s flatulence might someday help decrease our dependency on foreign oil!

A related issue is bad breath. In this case it’s bacteria on your mouth and teeth that are the culprit, along with the food you eat. Good hygiene and less sugar can help. Mouth wash can sometimes actually make the situation worse because it kills all the bacteria, not just the offending ones. This can throw off the natural balance and sometimes encourage the odor producing bacteria. If this is an issue go visit a dentist and nutritionist.

Dr. Brilliant Cliché

The Granny Doctor hopes that your boyfriend simply has a problem with bad eating habits. If this is the case, there’s another solution that Dr. Brilliant forgot to mention. The addition of probiotic supplements can make a night and day difference because it encourages the growth of “good” bacteria in your digestive tract. Granny had a cousin who had a flatulence problem so bad she didn’t want to go to school. Two capsules a day of a high potency probiotic gave her a miracle cure.

You should also know that there are foods that are known to induce flatulence. Some people can’t eat vegetables and beans without passing gas. There is a mild over the counter product on the market called Beano which, if taken before meals, can help prevent flatulence.

If all other efforts fail, you should know that some very serious digestive problems, ranging from colitis to cancer, can also produce excess flatulence. A visit to the doctor is always the best way to start.

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About Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Dr. Brilliant Cliché and the Granny Dr. are a fictional web presence and advice blog. Together we offer a joint perspective that is deep but not academic, entertaining but not fluff, and educated yet street smart. By joining the internet community we hope to share thoughts and stimulate insightful conversation around pressing issues that affect us all. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. (This is not a site for therapy nor does it intend to replace medical or other professional care. ) You can leave comments here or email The Dr. at dr.brilliantcliche@yahoo.com and don’t forget to like us on facebook. Our facebook page is Dr. Brilliant Cliche
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One Response to He is a GAS!

  1. Ken Bryant says:

    I agree with all the medical comments and would like to add just one more comment. If there is any aspect of the behavior which is done just to seek attention, remember there are three levels of uniqueness: individually creative, simple individual, and random. Creative individuality is when someone writes a book, song, or paints a picture. Simple individuality is like a finger print or voice print. Randomness is a the uniqueness of a fart. No one person can be associated with a particular fart sound because the sound may never be duplicated twice by the same person. This means it could never be admissible for identification purposes in court.

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