Relationship games are exhausting:

Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché,

A friend of mine only wants to date guys with washboard abs. Of course they have all been losers! Her current flame is 37, living at home with his mother and doesn’t work. He wants life to be handed to him on a silver platter. When my friend isn’t available and he is bored, he goes and hangs out with his friend from elementary school. She happens to be a girl. He claims that they never hooked up. My friend thinks she is in love with this guy because of all the bullshit lines he uses on her. Even though she knows he’s a loser and she should break up with him, she just can’t. She also wonders why this guy keeps turning to this other female friend when he could reach out to her instead. The other female friend is overweight and not so attractive. My friend is a gorgeous blonde and working.

Curious friend

Dear Friend,

Your friend’s self-esteem sucks that’s why she needs to hear his bullshit. He’s telling her what she wants to hear. He is a character in her own female romance novel.

It is exhausting maintaining such an unrealistic and false role. He probably gets tired of his own bullshit supporting her low self esteem. He needs his “real” friend to help him refuel his energy.

With his grade school friend he most likely isn’t role playing or maneuvering to have sex. In the meantime, he has a “gorgeous” girlfriend as a show piece to boost his self-esteem.

They don’t realize it but they each have an equally poor self-image.

Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Granny says: you say that your friend “is a gorgeous blonde and working.” Working at what? I hope that her choice of jobs is not as misplaced as her choice in men.

If I had to place bets on who will have a better outcome in life, given their current paths, I’d put my money on the washboard ab guy. He at least doesn’t choose his friends solely on looks and although his ambitions are low, there is never a lack of insecure women interested in hooking up with a self entitled male hotty. To be honest, lots of guys into weight lifting live at home with their mom- otherwise they wouldn’t have time to train. They’d have to work.

Your friend, however, is going to end up as one sad, typical used-to-be-pretty loser if she doesn’t watch it. She needs to learn to respect herself. And she is not going to do that by hooking up with unemployed guys who live with their mothers.

What does she want to do with her life? What about her work?
I’m sure there’s a story behind her low self-esteem, but what she really needs to know to get started is that character is not built on looks- character is built from struggle and accomplishment. She needs to build some character.

We all need to feed the things we want to grow. Right now, your friend is growing a bad soap opera. She needs to grow something better. If you want to help, steer her in this direction.

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About Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Dr. Brilliant Cliché and the Granny Dr. are a fictional web presence and advice blog. Together we offer a joint perspective that is deep but not academic, entertaining but not fluff, and educated yet street smart. By joining the internet community we hope to share thoughts and stimulate insightful conversation around pressing issues that affect us all. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. (This is not a site for therapy nor does it intend to replace medical or other professional care. ) You can leave comments here or email The Dr. at dr.brilliantcliche@yahoo.com and don’t forget to like us on facebook. Our facebook page is Dr. Brilliant Cliche
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4 Responses to Relationship games are exhausting:

  1. Frustrated says:

    I agree with the Dr. and Granny, and my bet is on the washboard ab guy, too. Ms. Blondie and Mr. Abs definitely have insecurity issues.

    The question is, what will it take for the girl to be convinced to see the guy for what he is and leave him? I have witness many of this type of relationship where the beautiful couple will get married, go on welfare but continue to be supported by the parents, have kids, and then get divorced. Could this be prevented?

    • How do we make the insecure blonde breakup?

      It isn’t your job to do that. That would be violating the laws of free will. We all have the right to our own suffering. Removing or interfering with it prevents the challenges that make us who we are as people. Psychiatrists and counselors and friends often fall victim to this as huge enablers.

      It is fine to state how you feel but that is that. You can’t expect her to follow your advice. Same if you were her mom. She is an adult. You would have the right to state what you thought but that is that. She has to live her own life and experience the consequence of her decisions. You can’t impart common sense. It has to be earned.

  2. Wishing I Made Different Choices says:

    I am currently in a marriage where i have been nothing but the enabler for 18 years. Now that I’ve grown up I realize that my self esteem was crap when I was young and I settled for the guy I married because he said all the right things. It’s been a horrible road and I regret most of it. I can only sit and pray she realizes whats going on before its to late! It’s no fun being in a “what if” and “I should have known better” kind of situation.

    • Dear Wishing,

      We can only know what we know when we know it. Life isn’t the deck of cards we are dealt but how we play our hand. Often it takes playing a while before we have the knowledge to play well. The point is now that you have that knowledge, figure a strategy and play! The game isn’t over until it ends.

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