Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché,
A friend of mine only wants to date guys with washboard abs. Of course they have all been losers! Her current flame is 37, living at home with his mother and doesn’t work. He wants life to be handed to him on a silver platter. When my friend isn’t available and he is bored, he goes and hangs out with his friend from elementary school. She happens to be a girl. He claims that they never hooked up. My friend thinks she is in love with this guy because of all the bullshit lines he uses on her. Even though she knows he’s a loser and she should break up with him, she just can’t. She also wonders why this guy keeps turning to this other female friend when he could reach out to her instead. The other female friend is overweight and not so attractive. My friend is a gorgeous blonde and working.
Your friend’s self-esteem sucks that’s why she needs to hear his bullshit. He’s telling her what she wants to hear. He is a character in her own female romance novel.
It is exhausting maintaining such an unrealistic and false role. He probably gets tired of his own bullshit supporting her low self esteem. He needs his “real” friend to help him refuel his energy.
With his grade school friend he most likely isn’t role playing or maneuvering to have sex. In the meantime, he has a “gorgeous” girlfriend as a show piece to boost his self-esteem.
They don’t realize it but they each have an equally poor self-image.
Dr. Brilliant Cliché
Granny says: you say that your friend “is a gorgeous blonde and working.” Working at what? I hope that her choice of jobs is not as misplaced as her choice in men.
If I had to place bets on who will have a better outcome in life, given their current paths, I’d put my money on the washboard ab guy. He at least doesn’t choose his friends solely on looks and although his ambitions are low, there is never a lack of insecure women interested in hooking up with a self entitled male hotty. To be honest, lots of guys into weight lifting live at home with their mom- otherwise they wouldn’t have time to train. They’d have to work.
Your friend, however, is going to end up as one sad, typical used-to-be-pretty loser if she doesn’t watch it. She needs to learn to respect herself. And she is not going to do that by hooking up with unemployed guys who live with their mothers.
What does she want to do with her life? What about her work?
I’m sure there’s a story behind her low self-esteem, but what she really needs to know to get started is that character is not built on looks- character is built from struggle and accomplishment. She needs to build some character.
We all need to feed the things we want to grow. Right now, your friend is growing a bad soap opera. She needs to grow something better. If you want to help, steer her in this direction.