Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché;
I met this guy at a party and he seemed really great- lots of fun, adventuresome, sense of humor.
But when we began dating I began to be put off by the way he seemed to be insecure, jealous of other men who looked at me, and in constant need of reassurances. The question of whether I would become sexually involved with him was made crystal clear after I read an email he sent, describing his sexual insecurities and asking me to be understanding with him. I was immediately repulsed.
It was like he was asking me to be his mommy and then groping for me. I was totally creeped out.
I have to ask- are there women who would actually sleep with a man after hearing this kind of crap?
Congratulations! You recognized that this would be a horribly dysfunctional relationship. You would end up being his mommy. Believe it or not, tons of woman love the fixer-uppers; they like the idea that they are needed. However, this kind of relationships can’t last. It is unequal and not based on mutual respect. With love displayed through nurturing tasks you won’t be getting a partner- more like a child…or a dog.
The healthy partnership rule is: one type of love per relationship. If you are mothering someone and you sleep with them, that’s incest.
Dr. Brilliant Cliché
Granny says: a man who wants a mommy needs to grow up. I think that some women see such emotional displays as a sign of sensitivity and believe that a needy man will make a supportive partner. Boy, will they be surprised. Adult children who need mothering are the most selfish people in the world and they aren’t good at being sensitive about anyone’s needs but their own. However, I have noticed that if you give them a specific list of tasks they will happily perform for you. Just make sure you give them a script. They need a LOT of direction.