Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché,
My parents have sent me to a therapist. OK, maybe I’m “disrespectful, condescending and critical”, but I don’t think I need therapy.
They need therapy more than I do, my Dad thinks I don’t notice how much he drinks. My mother is so oblivious, it’s pathetic. She has prescriptions for drugs that my friends have to buy on the streets. Nothing bothers her anymore, no wonder.
Instead, they decide to focus on ME. And omg, the guy they sent me to! He looks like a throwback to the 80’s, worst taste in clothes ever.
He wears wire rimmed glasses and argyle socks, for god’s sake. How am I supposed to take this seriously?
One of my favorite teachers used to say “people are a cliché.” You can only know what you know, and since humans learn via role modeling, you will inevitably become like those around you. Your family has issues; this means you have issues too.
You need to develop new skills. This will require help from outside your family. You need to acquire new role models in order to learn about intent, boundaries, letting go, self-respect, and cooperation. You aren’t going to get this stuff from your parents.
Changing your programming isn’t easy. To be successful you will have to learn to critique yourself instead of criticizing others. You may see things that are ugly, or things that are new, different, and challenging. But this is your mission should you decide to accept it…
This tape will self-destruct in 5 sec,
Dr. Brilliant Cliché
Granny says: If you were going to climb Mount Everest would you choose a guide because he had a great haircut and wore the latest fashions? Or would you, instead, choose a flea-bitten sherpa with bad teeth who had the ability to get you out of there alive?
I think that your attitude of critical defiance is necessary to a certain extent at home- you can’t trust your role models and you want to keep boundaries. But if you want to get out of there alive, at a certain point you are going to have to trust someone. Don’t let appearances fool you- Albert Einstein couldn’t dress worth a damn and will not go down in history for his hair. But he was one smart guy. Your therapist may be too. Give him a chance.