Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché,
My best friend is a girl that I have known and hung out with daily for the last two years. About 4 months ago we took it to the next level and since then things seemed to have changed. I no longer feel I can say whatever comes to my mind as I had done before. There’s a tension that wasn’t there before. She gets mad at me a lot now and I feel I can’t be honest with her anymore.
Walking on Eggshells
Sex is the best way to ruin a friendship. Once you are a formal couple your behavior has direct impact on her. A friend goes home and has their own life but a relationship depends on a partner’s well-being and stability. Your partner should never be your therapist or your dumping ground.
As the relationship progresses so must your respect for her. Pointing out the hot chick you’ve noticed might fly when your friends and she’s one of the guys but is not really appropriate for your girlfriend.
Sorry, but you need to filter if you want to stay in the relationship. Friends with benefits is not only not a relationship… it just isn’t realistic. Someone will get hurt.
Dr. Brilliant Cliché
Granny says: This may not be a matter of things changing now that you are a formal couple… the bigger question hanging here is whether you really ARE a couple. If you’ve started having sex, but no declarations or commitments have been made, she might have a problem with that.
Let me give you an example- I have a friend who was sexually abused as a child. Whenever she has sex with a man, if there is not a committed relationship, she gets disturbed and edgy. In the past, she was disregarded after sex and thrown away. Uncommitted sex is, for her, a nightmare of guessing games and negative anticipation. Your friend might have some of these same issues, and it never came up before because you never had sex before.
I think it’s time you had a talk and decided where you both stand and where you want to go from here. Find out if you expect the same things. Do you want to be partners in life as well as in bed?
That’s what going to the next level is really all about… not sex.