Can you come out to play?

Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché;

Back when I was first divorced, I wanted to find a new relationship more than anything in the world. I dated an actor for about 4 years who loved playing the role of my boyfriend but ultimately wanted an acting career more than a relationship. Then I dated another man who seemed to want to wait until we were both retired and on Social Security before he made a commitment. He waffled back and forth until I was so aggravated that I decided to give up before he strung me along for another 4 years. It was a good decision. I concluded that it made more sense to pursue my own career plans than try to find a relationship- I didn’t need to depend on anyone else in order to do that, so it was a better use of my time.

Now that I’ve created a new career path for myself, I’m thinking of dating again. But I find myself hesitant to jump in- my career and my own life mean more to me than the idea of finding a relationship and I don’t want to do the dating thing with guys who just want casual fun. I have so much work, I don’t want to waste my time and energy on the BS I see other older, single women go through when they date.

Am I letting my apprehension and past bad experiences stop me from finding potential happiness? Or am I just being sensible?

Sadie Syms

 

Dear Sadie,

I hope you can find your happiness regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or not. It sound like you’ve created a busy and full life.

Given that, it is normal to be apprehensive about dating at any age; but I wouldn’t avoid it. Yes, people are a tough lot but you never really know. You just might find someone you’d like to share time with.

If any of your prospective dates seems childish and wants to dominate your life and time you certainly do not need that. You can politely request them to go away. There is nothing wrong in being choosey.

Trying is not a waste of time… it is an investment in yourself.  But relationships are a process. Even after you meet “Mr. Perfect” it will still require work if you want to have a real relationship.

Good luck in your search,

Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Granny says: I think that you may be in for a surprise if you can push yourself into the dating ring again- there is going to be an entirely different set of contenders out there.

The people who are drawn to us are not random. Who we are as people determines who we will attract. From your question, it sounds as if when you first divorced you were needy, uncertain, and without a career. It’s not surprising that you became involved with an aspiring actor and a man who couldn’t make up his mind to commit.

Now that you have put the time into developing yourself, you are grounded, certain of yourself, and established as a professional. Chances are, you will start coming across men who share these qualities rather than the flighty, searching men you met before.

Granny advises you to get off your butt and see what’s out there.

If you have finally achieved oneness, it’s the perfect time to think about achieving twoness.

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About Dr. Brilliant Cliché

Dr. Brilliant Cliché and the Granny Dr. are a fictional web presence and advice blog. Together we offer a joint perspective that is deep but not academic, entertaining but not fluff, and educated yet street smart. By joining the internet community we hope to share thoughts and stimulate insightful conversation around pressing issues that affect us all. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. (This is not a site for therapy nor does it intend to replace medical or other professional care. ) You can leave comments here or email The Dr. at dr.brilliantcliche@yahoo.com and don’t forget to like us on facebook. Our facebook page is Dr. Brilliant Cliche
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2 Responses to Can you come out to play?

  1. Just friends says:

    Dear Sadie
    There is no good or bad time to date. Concentrate on your career and put yourself out there. You can date to find a friend or someone to have fun with after work. Why is it necessary to think dating means a long term relationship. If that dated relationship turn into something serious, then cross that bridge together.

    Like Granny advised you, get off your butt and see what’s out there. It doesn’t necessary have to be committed relationship.

  2. @Just Friends,
    As always good advice and thanks for reading.

    -Dr. B.C.

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