Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché,
My husband could be brilliant. He could be productive. He isn’t. I think he is scared of himself. He says everything he touches falls to shit. I think that’s his excuse for doing nothing except smoking marijuana.
I don’t really understand what happened as before we were married he was so creative, on the go, and so much fun. I love him but I am tired.
There are three forces that everything in nature boils down to and we all are constantly in a balancing act between them. For lack of a better way to describe them, let’s call them the active/chaotic, the uniform/passive, and intent/neutralizing force. None of them is, in itself negative or destructive. It is when they go out of balance unchecked that trouble ensues.
Your husband sounds like a natural force of chaos. Chaotic people create and destroy
and cause change and they have no innate skill whatsoever toward balance or uniformity.
Uniformity is about maintaining. Uniform people are about duty. Uniform people aren’t
naturally skilled at new.
Intent is ones will, vision, and vigilance. It is the work one has to do in life to
achieve and keep balance thus success.
I have found many chaotic men marry uniform women because at some level they are
trying to achieve balance. Many uniform women marry chaotic men as they are
attracted to the newness of them.
Any medication that squashes will and makes people feel they have achieved balance
where in reality they have done nothing is poison for chaotic people. This is
why marijuana is such a problem for your husband. He needs to understand he is
a creative force as much as he is a destructive one and instead of smoking
marijuana to create inner balance, he needs to understand the skills of intent
Intent shapes chaos and uniformity maintains what chaos creates. In working together you can shape a new life together.
Dr. Brilliant Cliché
Granny has to ask Exhausted- how do you KNOW that your husband could be brilliant? How can you predict the outcome of his efforts in the real world? By his own words,
everything he touches turns to shit. I suspect your husband is struggling with deeper problems- and these are what need to be addressed. He won’t stop fogging his head up until he gets clear on why he needs to do it. Your expectations could be part of the problem.
Listen- the visions that others have of us don’t always match what we can do. Being
successful at something takes more than talent. We don’t all go on to be professional athletes because we were hot shots on the high school football team. It takes a desire to get there, a strength to overcome all obstacles and make sacrifices. And I know a lot of talented people who do amazing creative stuff yet never make much money at it and are financial failures. In many cases, it’s because pursuing the muse just doesn’t pay as much as repeatable, marketable commercial art. Exactly how is Exhausted expecting her husband to apply his creativity?
I hear how disappointed Exhausted is in her husband. I sense her husband has had his own share of disappointments.
It’s going to take both of them, sharing a dream, to create a good life. Exhausted
may have to accept that her husband couldn’t live up to her expectations of
him. He needs to find his own value, the thing that makes him tick. It may not be what Exhausted would pick for him.
If Exhausted really just wants a brilliant, successful husband, she might want to go on Millionaire Matchmaker. I see a lot of women looking for them there.