Dear Dr. Brilliant Cliché,
I would leave my husband in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for the kids. How can I take
their father away from them? Also I would feel guilty as he has been sickly
too. He takes no care of himself. His 400lb ass never gets off the couch. His attitude and lack of respect or appreciation for anything is driving me nutz. What
can I do?
Maintaining a crappy status quo can be far worse than sinking the boat and starting over.
Sacrifice to the status quo only prevents personal evolution. Our culture is anti-evolution and all about crappy status quo. From our government to the local rag magazine, it’s what WE ARE TAUGHT. But it isn’t good for anyone.
There are tons of free woman’s groups that will help you realize you can’t smell the
roses until you take out the garbage. You can’t see them either without allot
Yes, about the kids- think what you are role modeling for them. It isn’t good
behavior. You are giving them the message that a miserable sorrowful life is ok
and normal. You are teaching them to have no expectations and no hope for a
better life. You are essentially telling them that dishonesty to one’s self is ok, a good person is one who accepts crap and keeps their mouth shut, and it is better to suffer than to face ones fears.
You, Mrs. Stuck, are a codependent and an enabler. Don’t blame it on your kids… they will believe it.
If you really love your children, don’t burden them with this programming! If their father wants anything to do with his kids he will get off his ass and be involved- with you or without you. Just being near them isn’t true involvement.
If he doesn’t take care of his health why should you? In reality, most people who cease to be enabled actually do get off their ass and take care of themselves.
If your husband has medical issues then a nurse or home care worker or nursing home will serve his needs far better than letting him eat himself to death and rot in front of your kids. If he is mentally ill, mental illness is not an excuse for bad behavior.
You are a role model! Pay attention to the consequences of what you are role modeling.
Your life was not created as it is now, nor do you deserve it to suck. Your life evolved this way due to a series of decisions you made based on the skills and resources you had available to you. It will continue to evolve as you learn new skills and make new resources
available to you. Join a woman’s group and avail yourself upon those resources.
Get moving on it,
Dr. Brilliant Cliché
The Granny Doctor says: I gotta agree with Dr. Brilliant on this one. I watched my parents go through a shitty marriage that they kept “for the sake of the kids”… and as a result both my sister and I were severely handicapped when it came to relationships. I’ve been married and divorced twice, she’s never had a committed relationship.
It’s taken me years to figure out that the examples I was shown as a child scarred
me for life. I work against my inner voices constantly. I shudder to think of how your children have already been scarred.
The only way to change the future is to change what you do TODAY. I suggest you
call a moving van and haul his sorry ass out of your house and throw a party. I’ll bring the dip.